Overwhelmed by Debt

As some of our closer friends are aware, last year was a tough year for us. Lots of medical expenses and emergencies meant lots of expenses compounded. By the time the end of the year came our only hope to get out of the mess we were in was a large tax return.

Unfortunately that large tax return didn't pan out as anticipated. Thank you Uncle Sam. Am I bitter? You betcha! Convoluted and poorly worded tax rules caused confusion. In the end due to misinterpretation on my part, we only received half of the amount I expected in our return. Ouch!

Jump forward to April this year. By this time I had discovered we were spending more than we were bringing home from work just to make ends meet. Any savings we had were nearly wiped out. In a desperate attempt to stay afloat I ran to my parents for assistance. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't asking for them to rescue us from our situation as I just have too much pride for that. I was simply asking for a little assistance to get things caught up and help tide us over for a while. They agreed, thank God.

Prior to that, I did my homework and looked into a debt management program to get things paid off. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that concept, basically it consists of closing credit accounts and committing to a monthly payment plan to pay them off in a designated amount of time. The company who initiates the debt management program works with the creditors to get your interest rates reduced and they work with you to determine a payment plan that works for your budget.

I was sure once we started down this path things would be immensely less stressful. Boy was I wrong! It's almost more stressful now. When the payment plan was set up and a budget was ironed out I determined we didn't have much after bills were paid for extra expenses (groceries etc.). Is it survivable? Sure, but it leaves almost no room for extras. We have to hope everyone stays healthy and no unexpected things come up.

Debt management is a roller coaster ride in and of itself. I think so far the worst part has been waiting on the creditors to accept the terms of the program. Our future hinges on it. Second worst part has to be discovering that our "emergency fund" credit card was canceled due to the fact that we enrolled in a debt management program. So let's see, I'm taking responsibility for my financial future but they're going to punish us for it by taking the rug out from under us. Well crap. What do we do if we fall on our asses now?

Each day that goes by I try with a great amount of effort to see the positive side of all of this. We'll be debt free when we come out of this. There will be no mark on our credit report when we're done. Problem is, that nagging thought of, "How do we get from point A to point B?" keeps creeping up on me.

Some days (like today) the negative gets the better of me and I turn bitter towards the rest of the world. That just isn't me, but I find myself wishing terrible things for other people. I want to shout from the rooftops "I told you so!" about Obama and his pork barrel spending. Sure having the first black president is a huge historical event and I'm glad we as a country have the ability to see past color for positions of leadership. However, it sure seems like there are a lot of empty promises that he has yet to deliver on. What about a bailout for the little people? The average Joe? I'm not savvy on all the political "stuff" but how are we paying for all of these things? Maybe I'm looking for empathy from those who can make a difference, I don't know.

I'm bitter because at the end of the day I'm upper middle class and don't qualify for things lower middle class people do. I make too much money. Who cares if I have nothing at the end of the day to my name, what I bring home disqualifies me. I have to grin and bear it. It's always been that way, and thanks to the way the government works, it will stay that way forever. Unless you win some huge lottery or inherit some huge estate or come up with some great business plan and enact it (ie. Google, FedEx, Yahoo) you are doomed to be born into and die in the same class.

All I can say is on days like today I thank God for Kiernan. He is the only thing that keeps my head on my shoulders and keeps me sane. Even on the worst of days he has a wonderful habit of making me happy. Who can be anything but happy around a toddler with his sense of humor and constant smile?

Here's hoping tomorrow brings me a better mood and less negativity so I can see things for what they are. I like to think there is a small light at the end of the tunnel.