I am a member of an internet community of moms. I joined because I was able to search various topics and read previous discussions, post questions and get answers if I needed them, and otherwise educate and reaffirm that others are out there like me that have the same thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we all need affirmation.
I often would read my emails from this list and browse the various questions. Often I would post answers to questions or suggestions, or simply just lurk on that thread to see what the responses were. I say all that in past tense because one person has ruined it for me. I no longer join in conversations or read the daily emails. I've lost my desire to care what I could suggest or offer to help others. All because of one single, narrow-minded person.
A woman posted one day about breastfeeding. I have been there, done that so I read on. She goes on to say how she doesn't understand how moms can bring themselves to breastfeed past 6-8 months of age when she feels that the child should be weaning by then. She posts her comment in such a way as to accuse others that if they don't do as she does that they are obviously wrong and how could you think otherwise.Tells how her son is independent and she is proud and that even though she is expecting again she will do things the same way. Good for her. Really, I mean that. But that doesn't mean that method is right for everyone. Here is her post. Is it just me or is she totally snooty about it? I can almost see her looking down her nose at everyone who disagrees with her, with every word she writes. Her tone is accusatory.
I've been reading some of the stories out there and I rather not respond because I want to stay respectful and not offend other mothers out there. I have decided to ask my own question because this very thing makes my mouth drop and baffles me. Why do mothers nurse their children/babies/pre-todds well after 6-8 months and even after 12 months. To me that can create bad dependancy issues. A child with teeth and walking, let alone potty trained and on table food, that seems a little much to still be nursing. Why is a child still on the breast?! My son is 17 months I stopped nursing round 7 months, I tried back at 8 months but he bit me and it wasn't enough for him anyway. My son has always slept well through the night. There is no way my little boy is going to walk up, sit on my lap drink from my breast. I am pregnant again with my second child and this child will be done the same way, with me stopping on the nursing at 7 months or so. I have a healthy independent boy and I am proud!
I tried to be the bigger person here and not fall down to her level. I responded to her post in a very nice way even though she was rude and obnoxious and deserved every nasty comment I could muster at her. I even posted a link to her post on Facebook and asked all my other friends who are moms to respond. I felt she was/is uneducated and that was fueling her rude post.
This was my response:
Try to realize what is right for you is not right for everyone. We are all individuals and all entitled to our own opinions. Some decide to feed with formula, some breastfeed for short periods, and others decide it is better to breastfeed longer. I used to be of the same opinion you are until I had my first child and was wearing those shoes. Sometimes a change of perspective is all it takes.
There is scientific proof of benefits of breastfeeding longer. Benefits are for both mother and child. Google it, it's out there.
As for teeth, there does come a point in the breastfeeding relationship where that becomes an issue. Babies learn quickly not to bite or they will have to give up the breast. Other people decide to pump out of fear of being bitten.
Some enjoy the attachment breastfeeding brings, and speaking personally it is hard to give it up after a mere 6 months. Breastfeeding longer than 6-8 months does not create a more dependent child than one who is weaned earlier on. My 2 year old son (who yes, in case you were wondering is weaned now) is proof of that fact. He is more independent than most other children his age.
I'm happy things worked out for you so well but again, your decision is yours and yours alone. Please realize that simply because others choose otherwise does not make them wrong.
Every day I go to look at the emails from my list and I hesitate to read them. I half expect other people out there to be as rude as her now (although she has been the only one I have seen to date). I find myself reading other stories from other moms and just feeling that I just don't care. Yes, I might have answers, but I don't feel the need to share anymore. The drive is gone. The desire to participate, gone.
It makes me so damn ANGRY that one woman could ruin this for me, and yet she has. It makes me even more upset that I let it upset me so much. I don't dwell on it but I am reminded of it every time I check my inbox and see the emails from that list. I took a break from it, and yet my feelings of animocity and apathy and such have not receeded at all. I'm starting to doubt they ever will. Was I wrong about this woman? Did I read more into her post than was intended? Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Do I just need to get over myself?
