Fall Already?

Earlier this week I awoke to a chilly, foggy morning. The kind that makes you want to stay in bed and pull the covers up to your neck and snuggle, because it's just too cozy and warm to get up. A sure sign of fall. Sigh. I am so not ready for fall to be here.

Fall means the snowflakes are just around the corner. It means that in just a couple short months Kiernan is going to grow another year older. My baby. Last year I was lamenting that he couldn't walk so we couldn't yet go play in the snow. This year I am torn because while I think playing in the snow with him will be fun, it also means he's growing up.

Our friends had a baby about 6 months ago, and my hormones kicked into high gear. Not because of that alone, many factors came into play. However, it made me realize how I miss the dependency of an infant. The frequent feedings, the night wakings, everything about it. Unfortunately, situation being what it is, I think we're done going down that path. At least for now. Right?

I keep telling myself that I enjoy the freedom we have now. Not having to carry a diaper bag everywhere, Kiernan sleeping through the night now and how that's wonderful, not having to feed him every 3 hours on-the-dot and so on and so forth. I'm completely enjoying Kiernan's independence, watching him discover the world and light up as he points to something he recongizes and exclaims in excitement the name of the object in question. Yet a part of me wonders, what would it be like to have another. To start all over again. I must be crazy.

Finally, after about 3 months feeling like, "OMG I HAVE to have another baby!", the hormones have died down. I'm more able to focus on watching Kiernan grow up and learn new things. Perhaps it was the biological clock ticking, reminding me that I only have 5 years until the big 4-Oh. Honestly though, I don't think my body can take another pregnancy yet. My hips have not been the same since Kiernan was born, and being forced to lie on my side for months at a time would only aggravate the situation. I'm not sure I could keep up with another kid either. I have enough of a hard time keeping up with the one we have. I've come to my senses I think. For now.

We always swore we wouldn't be "that couple". You know the one. The one that ALWAYS complains about never being able to make ends meet because they rushed in and had another kid when they couldn't afford it. In retrospect, I think I understand now why so many of those couples are out there.