Free at Last!!!

Since the week before Christmas (I think, I've lost count by now really) we have had a snow storm roll in on Friday each week and snow us in until Sunday or Monday. Weekends? What's that? Social life? Huh? Never heard of it. Or at least it was starting to seem that way.

I've missed more work at the quilt store than I can admit to without shame simply due to this fact. Still, what was I to do? We can't afford a 4x4 right now which is the only possible way to get out when it storms like that. Even then it won't make a difference if it's really bad. The drifts out here are awful with a capital A. Oh we prepared, we made sure to stock the pantry so we have plenty of food but there are always things you forget about - pet food, prescriptions, etc, and once you remember it's too late. Just do the best you can.

You know, it's funny the things you miss when you're prisoner in your own house. Socialization certainly is one of them, but for me it was the ability to go out to eat on Friday night. After being cooped up for a weekend it's actually quite enjoyable to go into the office for work. Enjoy work? I know, I know, but you try it sometime. Cabin fever is the worst.

Surprisingly, each time we were snowed in Beosig and I managed to stay off each other's last nerve - until the last storm that is. Beosig was upset about not being able to go to his game and I suspect he had a bad week, but regardless I ended up taking the brunt of the punishment for that one. The thing to remember is what does getting upset about being snowed in accomplish? Nothing. It just gets you worked up about being stuck in the house which gets you more worked up which turns into an endless cycle. It only makes good sense to try to keep your head and wits about you in these situations, but it's definately not easy.

Fortunately this weekend is turning out a bit different. Yes, we've had snow and a little bit of drifting, but only in small quantities this time thank GOD! I got out of the house on a Saturday! Woo hoo! Yippee! Yay! I couldn't be happier. We even went out to dinner last night (with the help of our friend and his 4 wheel drive Subaru). I feel better already.

Now, I am hoping that next weekend is the same or better as I am hoping to go to Loveland to a cat show. I guess we'll see, right? Knock on some wood for me - I don't want to go crazy being stuck in my own home again!

Addictions

Many people have addictions, most are to things like cigarettes or alcohol. Me? The only addiction per se I have ever had was to tea and that was mild and I overcame it. That said, I will now openly admit I can't relate to a true addiction. I've never suffered the mental and physical effect of one. That brings me to what spurs this entry today.

When Beosig and I were preparing to meet in person for the very first time, he asked me if I had a problem if he smoked. I said no but he told me he would quit for me. I was beside myself. Since then, it has been an on again, off again adventure. Sometimes he would "quit" for a period of time - a week, a month, two years - but he would always end up caving to the cigarette demon.

Recently, Beosig said he would quit in exchange for a guitar. I don't understand the logic there - watching his grandfather die from complications with emphysema didn't convince him, but a guitar did? Go figure. Alas I digress. I was elated with this idea even though the guitar was not my most favorite idea in the world. It's worth a shot just for the chance.

All was going along smoothly until last night. Both of us were on edge at the thought of being stuck in the house yet again over a weekend and one thing led to another and pushed both of us over the edge. Beosig stormed off as he seems to like to do lately instead of facing the situation at hand. I tried to convince him to stay but the last words I heard were "I don't want to be here right now because of you.". Uh, ouch, right? Well, you guessed it, he was off to go buy some more cigarettes and smoke again.

I just don't understand it. I don't think I ever will. Why blow what you've been working on for the last 5 weeks? Needless to say this made me VERY upset and I lost it completely. I was actually so mad I was physically shaking, my heart was pounding and I swear there was a little bit of adrenaline running through my veins as I yelled at him about how stupid his actions were. How I expected something better out of him...other things that escape my mind.

I don't yell much - I hate my voice like that. Besides, when I get that upset I lose my words before they get to my mouth. I tend to forget the speech I have composed and read over and over in my mind. Still, it surprised me that he stood there on the stairs looking right into my eyes and took it without question, and without rebuttals as if he knew he had it coming and it was the price he had to pay. I don't know if I made a difference, and I doubt I did, but I felt a little bit better.

There is an episode of Friends where Chandler starts smoking again and nothing his friends tell him convinces him to quit. Then one day at the coffee house the boyfriend of one of the friends speaks to him on the phone and he says how he never thought about it that way, snuffs out the cigarette and presumably never lights up again. What I wouldn't give to know what was said on the other end of that phone - the money I would pay for that one statement. *sigh*