Mother's Day

I started writing this Mother's day weekend but it's taken me a while to finish it.

My first mother's day has come and gone. Unfortunately I was sick for it in a bad way as was Kiernan. As a result, it came and went with little event. I'm perfectly fine with that though.

I thought I might turn this post into a list of things I've learned over the last five and a half months.

When I discovered I was pregnant or perhaps shortly before that, a good friend told me I would know a love like no other in my child. I took that with a grain of salt thinking it surely must be different for everyone, but I'm not sure that's the case.

Before Kiernan arrived I thought I knew what it meant to love. Life felt complete as it needed to be. I was happy with what we had and what the future held for us. Afterwards, I discovered what I knew, or thought I knew was as far from complete as it could be. I have since quickly forgotten what it was like without Kiernan in our lives and now can't imagine it any other way.

For the first few weeks or perhaps month after Kiernan was born, just sitting and watching him as he slept would make tears well up in my eyes. Not tears of sadness, but happiness and joy at knowing what it feels like to have someone so tiny and completely dependant upon you for everything. I feel sorry for those who do not or cannot know this feeling.

After Kiernan started smiling, just seeing him smile would make my eyes well up with tears. There is nothing as great as seeing your baby express joy with a simple smile. I'm sure he would wonder why mommy was crying when he was happy, but his little smile never waivered. What greater thing is there to be greeted by after a long and trying day. Such a simple gesture - a smile - and all of the stresses of the day simply melt away and cease to exist.

All of my trips to the daycare to feed Kiernan have allowed me to watch the other babies as they progress and develop. My observations basically have shown that it is almost like watching a baby wake up from a deep sleep or like flipping some internal switch when they start sitting and then crawling and soon walking. Every baby has personality of some sort before that, but it really kicks into high gear once they become more mobile. Almost as if they were lifeless blobs before hand. And the joy on their faces once they discover they can move about is priceless. I cannot wait to see that in Kiernan.